It's been a few exciting weeks at the trapeze school; I got to film several people's first swings without safety lines and cheer on others as their first return bars were dropped and in some cases caught. Obviously the highlight for me was Drew taking his swing OOL; I'm so glad that I got to be there and celebrate with him.
When I first started trapeze I hated it. HATED. It scared me so much; climbing that ladder scared me so much. I was in a Saturday flying workshop, and starting on Thursday evenings I would feel so anxious. I never slept well on Fridays. Then on Saturdays I'd spend two hours so intensely facing my fear. What people may not realize is that this went on for 6+ months. It wasn't until I was a few weeks into my third IFW that it started to subside (maybe because I went to Puerto Rico and had to face it for five days in a row? Maybe because I started to get better?).
So, why in the world did I keep going? I don't completely know. I do know that I saw that everyone else at the rig seemed to love flying, and I desperately wanted to be part of that world. I wanted to love it so much. The hardest part was hating that I couldn't.
And then eventually, I started loving flying trapeze.
Lately, several people have asked when I'm going to take my swing OOL. The answer I always give is, oh, never; it's not why I fly. That's not a world where I'd belong.
The thing is, as special as that world of OOL is, and as happy as I am for everyone who steps into it, there's something special about my flying world, too. About this world where nothing comes easily and everything comes with fear at first and then eventually with love.
About that moment when turnaround isn't scary anymore and I can be aware of my body position (after firmly believing that I'd just be a flyer who never turned around and that I could live with that). About discovering that I love taking off from the second rise (which makes you higher and should make it scarier)
About Mandy having to have a talk with me about the fact that I was ready for an unassisted takeoff and had been for weeks (a talk she said that very, very few people get). About the moment when you realize that you aren't smiling before taking off because Mandy and Meghan said that you had to (it forces your body to let go of some of the nerves and you to collect yourself a bit before taking off), but instead you are smiling in anticipation of the sheer joy of flying.
And, of course, what's really, really special is a place like the rig and the community of flyers there who can welcome and celebrate people in these various worlds.
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