Can I Persaude You to Leave?

I was thinking the other day about how I’ll probably never be able to work as a bouncer. My voice is too quiet, I’m probably too small, women don’t tend to be bouncers, and I sort of look like a little girl sometimes (I still get carded for R rated movies).

Now, I don’t particularly want to work as a bouncer or anything. I have very little patience for drunk people, and I’m not into the bar or club scene. I’m not a night person, either, so I’d likely really hate the work. At the same time, it’s sort of sad in some ways. I have a strong misanthropic scene, and I enjoy telling people that they can’t do something or need to leave. When I was ushering last week, I was thrilled to be a Petal Pincher Prohibiter (I got to tell people not to steal rose petals that were part of the set). I love reporting people who take pictures. I think being a bouncer might let me take advantage this aspect of my personality.

What, you may ask, does this have to do with Persuasion? Essentially nothing.

Well, that’s not completely true. First, I should mention, that I actually really enjoyed Austen’s final tome. I’m not usually an Austen fan (at all; Pride and Prejudice does nothing for me, except bug), but I liked Anne as a heroine. There weren’t any characters, even some of her more irritating relations, that I wanted to maim with hot-metal objects. I wanted Anne and Wentworth to get together, and I enjoyed reading and then immediately re-reading the part where that finally happened.

At the same time, I can’t help but think about how boring it would be to be one of the female characters in an Austen novel. They never get to do anything. They having dilettantish accomplishments, go on walks, and silently pine. I'd lose my mind. I would not be able to handle it.

Which is where being a bouncer, sort of comes in (at least in my rather convoluted brain). Perhaps it's because of seeing the Jane Austen fight club video, but the combination of my thoughts on being a bouncer and my thoughts on how boring it would be to exist in an Austen novel, gave me this image of Jane Austen characters as bouncers, which I just cannot get out of my head. The picture of Mr. Darcy in this role is the one that cracks me up the most.