And so it is/ Just like you said it should be/ We'll both forget the breeze/ Most of the time

So, the other day I was wandering around DC (like I do), thinking about the list project (like I actually don't do too frequently). This led me to think about being 32, since that's about when I will likely end this thing. Or if I don't complete it by then, it means that my life will likely have changed dramatically in the interim. Probably because I either went to grad school or I had babies. Either of those two possibilities seem intense and like they'd upset my fragile sleep equilibrium.

Maybe part of why finishing the project seems less possible than it did when I started the project, (despite the momentum that I should have at 606 books in) is that imagining finishing the project has started to mean imagining my life at 32. I find imagining that to be very hard. I also apparently find it hard to spell "imagining" since I keep putting "imaging."

I've always been bad at five year plans. That challenge is a bit ironic, since I managed to secure quite a lot of money during my undergraduate career by convincing people that I in fact did have five year and even 15 year plans. Hah. I really have no idea.

I started leafing through Getting Thing Done the other day. It's the kind of book that someone like me should be so good at and should love. Next actions! Looking at life at various altitudes! Living intentionally! I'm actually not that organized. I have a pretty good memory, a calendar system, and a tendency to precrastinate. I get things done quickly and rarely forget things, and that helps me seem like less of a scatter-brain than I am.

Projecting into the future is hard for me, and I've been trying to figure out why. It doesn't seem quite consistent for me, either. I'm serious about saving for retirement, for example. But maybe that's because, like the list project in the early days, it doesn't feel real. I just work towards it today and don't worry about what it will really mean when I need to access that money.

I do have some goals. Specifically a cutaway half and a flexus-flexus. Beyond that, though, who knows? Hmm. I wonder if I should try to get better at this.

This stream-of-consciousness post is brought to you by my headache. Stupid headache.